I had no idea if I'd adequately prepared for Cactus Rose in the weeks before the race. A sprained ankle had cut a week and a half out of the heart of the training season and my one training race, the Rough Creek 40 miler, had been a slog. I had become much less obsessive about my training this year, running more by feel, not carrying GPS, not logging my miles. Running and racing is becoming less competitive for me and more of a spiritual exercise, a chance to practice mindfulness, connect with nature and the universe, and test my limits. Sure, I still like to look at race results and chase down headlamps, but becoming less obsessive on results and more focused on the journey has led to a peaceful feeling of acceptance. If nothing else, stoicism helps when you're an average runner like me who tends to have major meltdowns at races.
That said, I did put in one long night run three weeks out from Cactus, a 32 miler in the George Mitchell Nature Preserve. I did 19 repeats of a mile and half loop then ran home. Heading out Friday after work as the sun set, the main goal was to experience the sleep deprivation that had plagued me at Rocky Raccoon 100. I cruised through the miles and never got sleepy, so the zombie factor was still a big question mark for Cactus.
I had planned to do one more 20 miler Sunday two weeks out from the race but I hurt my back moving a piano. The back pain went away in a day, luckily. I ran a ten miler the weekend before Cactus and that was it. This would be an experiment, to see if less structured training and a lot of rest would lead to me to perform well or crash and burn.
The Course
There is something magical and otherworldly about the Hill Country State Natural Area. The towering hills, rocky trails, and sotol patches feel like a combination of an old cowboy movie set and an alien planet.
Cactus Rose 100 is consists of four 25 mile loops with aid stations roughly five miles apart. The first loop aids go Lodge > Equestrian > Nachos > Equestrian > Boyles > Lodge. The first ten miles to Nachos, with the exception of the short climb up Lucky's Peak, is very runnable, though this being Bandera there are still a lot of rocks. Nachos > Equestrian gets tougher with Ice Cream Hill and a couple other climbs. Equestrian > Boyles is in my opinion the toughest stretch with many steep climbs like Three Sisters and Sky Island. Boyles > Lodge features the big climbs of Boyles Bump and Cairn's Climb. You can make good time on this section though because you run fairly smooth trail atop these hills and then there is a mile of runnable trail back to the lodge.
After each loop you reverse directions. That means for 100 milers miles 0-10, 40-60, and 90-100 are pretty runnable with tough sections of hills for miles 15-35 and 65-85.
The Race
My family and I camped in the field and I had trouble sleeping the night before the race. I got around three or four hours sleep, which was more than before Rocky Raccoon, but I was definitely nervous about Saturday night.
We headed out at 5am in a trail of headlamps into the dark hills. My strategy was to get through the first 50 miles feeling as good as possible. I ran very conservatively, letting people pass me, reminding myself to run my own race, finishing the first loop in 5:46. I had a mini low point at the beginning of the second loop, probably just because I was behind on my nutrition, but overall I was feeling fresh through around 35 miles.
This was to be the hottest year in race history with a high of 84. At Rough Creek 40 last month it was in the mid 90s with no shade, so that heat training would be of use. Still, as the midday sun beat down my energy drained and I went into another low.
At mile 50, I would pick up my music. This happened to be when the sun lowered in the sky, and the combination of the drop in heat and the Grateful Dead raised my spirits. I cruised and sang along into the night through mile 70 or so.
Then atop Boyles Bump the sleep fatigue set in. This time it was even worse than at Rocky. Becoming disorientated, I staggered along the trail. I lied down several times along a flat rock or simply on a mess of stones, trying to sleep for a minute or two. I couldn't sleep nor see how to continue. Wanting so badly to drop the race, I held in my mind my kids, not wanting them to see me as a quitter. I know that every ultrarunner has to face DNFs and there is no shame in pushing yourself to the limits and falling short of your dreams. But I knew the pain of giving up would be worse than enduring this light-headed zombie stagger.
Luckily, fellow runners came to my aid, as I chatted with a couple of folks along the trail, one of whom was in them same shape as I and hallucinating. We both made it to Boyles aid and tried to sleep. I lied down on the dirt with my pack as my pillow for maybe ten minutes, still unable to sleep.
At this point, I was at mile 80 at 6:00 or so in the morning. I knew then sun would soon rise and might revive me. Dreading to head out into the cold night, I shuffled out into the darkness.
As the rays of sun shone out over the hills of Bandera, my fatigue lifted and I rallied. I began running hard. I had dropped the music as my head couldn't handle it but instead I was inspired by the awesome beauty of the landscape and the power of nature. The ancient forces at work humbled me, the night bringing on sleep and the sun energy.
Dawn at mile 86 or so
Wanting to make use of this surge to finish, as I battled the last 15 miles I would pick a runnable section, check my watch, and tell myself to run hard for ten minutes. Sometimes, at the end of ten I'd be going downhill and stretch it a little longer.
Finally, I made it over Lucky's Peak with a mile to the finish. I sprinted down the trail, overcome with emotion, and ran across the line with my kids. My time was 31:37.
Loop 1
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05:46:14
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Loop 2
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07:45:33
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Loop 3
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09:21:45
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Loop 4
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08:43:38
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Reflections
For a middle of the pack runner like me, this race was about as good of a performance as I could have hoped for. I could definitely cut time by being more efficient at the aid stations. My goal for this race was just to finish and I sat and chugged coke and ate Pringles at the aid, which added up on the clock. This kept me going but for a race with a time goal I could cut this down by eating on the trail. And if I could figure out this sleep deprivation thing, either by simply getting a good night's sleep beforehand or coming up with a better coping strategy, that would help. But I didn't give up when things seemed lost and fought the whole way. At Rocky, I'd really only run hard the last five miles or so but here I ran steadily through sections in the last 50 miles.
Another reminder from this race was how decent and good most ultrarunners are. In addition to those who kept me sane during my sleep breakdown, a moment that stuck with me was when I arrived at Bandera, trying to set up my tent, get my family situated, then find the aid stations to place my drop bags in the dark. A guy named Chip walked me to Boyles and chatted with me, helping a total stranger for no reason. It's a great feeling to be part of our little community. To Joe, Joyce, Tejas Trails, all the volunteers and runners, thanks for helping me along the way.
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